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July 2001

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans

Alejandro Gonzales

August 2001

People used to visit coffee bars to discuss books and society,
now they go to discuss coffee

Anthony Andrew
Observer Newspaper

September 2001

Doris Lessing thinks that men are having a hard time.
Well, all I can say is it's about time.

Germaine Greer

November 2001

Whenever friends say they've taken up golf, I tend to cross them off mentally. It just seems like an ante-chamber to death.

John Peel.
Radio Presenter

December 2001

I am proud and honoured to be chosen from heaven to be invincible.
I feel guilty having to put my name on the songs sometimes,
because I write them compose them and score them,
and it's really the work of God

Michael Jackson
Singer Songwriter

January 2002

In a year holding a three, or seven, or five, or nine, or maybe not,
Two things, might be people, or armies, or buildings,
Or anything really, blades of grass, or stoats, or crapulous charlatans spouting mimsy, might do something nebulous.
(Insert made-up-bit here....)

Nostradamus
16th Century quatrain
(allegedly)

February 2002

I was once on an overland expedition in the Hindu Kush,
when disaster struck. We lost the corkscrew, and had to survive
for a week on food and water.

W C Fields

March 2002

Go to hell... It's not the responsibility of the British to decide our elections

Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe

April 2002

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the
morning, that's as good as they are going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

May - December 2002

You Never Know, it might be someone important.

The Queen to a woman trying to turn off her mobile phone, which started to ring just as they were talking

May - December 2002

The trouble with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion.
If we stop tourism, we would stop the congestion.

Prince Philip

May - December 2002

Fifty per cent of the population do not know what 50 per cent is!

Trade & Industry Secretary
Patricia Hewitt

May - December 2002

We are reviewing and updating our technical advice on walking.

Junior Transport Minister
David Jamieson

May - December 2002

One thing we know for certain is that if Osama bin Laden is not in Afghanistan, he is either in another country or he is dead

Stupid White Man
Donald Rumsfeld

May - December 2002

The choice here is stark and simple.
The Bible says, 'I have set before you life and death',
therefore choose life.

Stupid White Man
George W Bush
tries to persuade the Israelis and Palestinians to make peace

May - December 2002

Either we stay at home and become pillars of the community or
we go out and tour.

We could not find many communities that still need pillars.

Mick Jagger on the Rolling Stones

May - December 2002

Please note that we do not recruit tax specialists.

Notice on Inland Revenue's web site

February 2003

"Tony Blair is no longer Prime Minister of Britain,
he is the foreign minister of the United States"

Nelson Mandela, the former President of South Africa

April 2003

"We don't do God. I'm sorry. We don't do God."

Alistair Campbell when an American reporter David Margolick, asked about Tony Blair's religious beliefs.

May 2003

"He has made a miraculous recovery
and I put it down to his copious gin drinking."

Carol Thatcher, on the recent heart bypass operation of her father, Sir Denis Thatcher.

June 2003

"THE UNKNOWN
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know."

Donald Rumsfeld, 12 February 2002, defence ministry press conference.

July 2003

"I'm on two diets at the moment.
Because you don't get enough to eat with one."

Peter Sissons, BBC Newsreader.

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